Elizabeth Hamilton-Guarino
Discover How to Be Your Best
Handling a Disappointment with Elegance, Grace and Style
by Elizabeth Hamilton-Guarino on July 24th, 2013

I hope you are having your best summer ever!  I know our household has been quite busy with baseball and swimming and our oldest son is leaving for college at the end of August!  Lots of change!   Moments matter and they go by so very fast!  Here is a picture of our son Cam pitching in the Maine State Championship Tournament for Junior League.  He and the team held Ellsworth to two runs and the Falmouth team advanced to the championship game.  We lost that final championship game to Hampden, Maine by 3.  Congratulations to Hampden and much success in New Jersey.  Thank you for all of the kind things you said about our children at the awards ceremony.
There are many opportunities for teachable moments for kids and parents together when you lose or experience disappointment or even get ready for an event like this. In the moments before or directly after a loss or disappointment look at yourself and others around you.  
  • How is everyone behaving?  
  • How are you behaving?
  • Are you too serious for the situation at hand?
  • Are children crying or throwing things?
  • Are you aware?
  • Do you blame others?
  • Are you accusing others of cheating or playing dirty?
  • Are you telling other parents that kids suck?
  • Are you being sarcastic?
  • Are you withdrawn from the event?
  • Are you more upset than the kids that played?
  • Are you out of control or swearing?
  • Have you been a complete and total obnoxious fan in the stands?
  • Are you complaining to others around you about the coach, team or outcome?
  • Is your coach practicing good sportsmanship? (sportswomanship :)
  • Are you practicing good sportsmanship? (sportswomanship :)
  • Do you get mad?
  • Do you have an attitude?
  • Are you as a group of parents getting along?  
  • Do the kids on the team get along?
  • Are siblings fighting?
  • Do you think about what you could have done differently?  
  • Do the moments replay in your head over and over?  
  • Do you go for ice cream and pizza and bury the feelings?
  • Are you thinking you could have coached it all better and won?
  • If you are coaching and it's your turn to say something and you've lost the game, do you come off as a sore loser?
-OR-
  • Do you express gratitude?
  • What does your heart say?
  • Do you have composure, elegance, grace and style?
  • Are you under control of yourself and your emotions?
  • Are you clapping for the team that won?
  • Did you put forth your best effort?  Did your team?
  • Do you thank everyone for coaching and being there?
  • Do you thank your team?
  • Do you step back and just be appreciative for the opportunity?
  • Are you cheering appropriately?
  • Do you work harder?
  • Do you think about how you could improve?
  • Do you thank your lucky stars you were there participating?
  • Do you see the blessings?
  • Do you see all of the positive things that happened?
  • Are you showing compassion to the kids?  Howabout the last out or the kids who might be blaming themselves due to errors?
  • Are you supportive?
  • Do you suggest taking the team out for a fun activity just for distraction and fun?
  • Are you remembering the kids are just kids?  They are under 18 and in some cases just 9, 10, 11 years old.
  • If you are coaching or a team member and you have lost, do you take a moment to say something positive about the other team sincerely and from your heart?
  • Do you take a moment to thank all of the parents and family that perhaps spent hundreds or thousands of dollars to attend and bring their child to the event?

It might be some combination or all of the above to get you through :)  But to get through it think about this:

  • Do your kids give up?
  • Do you give up?
  • Do you try harder next time?
  • Do you practice a little more?
  • Do you maintain your positive, peaceful self?
  • Do you teach this to your children?
  • Do you become more aware?
  • How do you help yourself and others be their very best?
  • Do you accept responsibility?
  • What are you saying to your children and what are they saying to you?
  • What do you do if someone's behavior or conduct isn't on the side of percolating peace?
  • Consider positively contributing to make the experience better next time, minus blame and shame and coulda, woulda, shoulda.
  • Perhaps the experience or sport actually isn't right for you or your child and instead of a "give up" attitude, it becomes a slight shift to doing something else more suitable.
  • Consider if you are a leader or a follower.  Either is ok, but understand who your role models are in either case or both and the example you are also setting.
  • Think with your heart.
  • Practice Gratitude, not Attitude.
It's disappointing when things don't go our way.  I get it.  You can't change the outcome no matter how many times you replay it.  But your behavior in those losing and winning moments speaks volumes without you ever having to shout or utter a word.   The same goes for how your children behave.

Just something to think about.  

With Love, Elizabeth Hamilton-Guarino (CEO/Founder)

About Elizabeth Hamilton-Guarino

Elizabeth Hamilton-Guarino, Hay House author and founder and CEO of the Best Ever You Network, understands firsthand the challenges life can bring and has worked with thousands across the globe to illuminate their light within and help them live their best life. She has a degree in communications and broadcasting; is a life coach, food-allergy expert, and anaphylaxis survivor; and is the host of The Best Ever You Show. Elizabeth lives with her husband and four boys in Maine. She has tried tea, but is a bit more philosophical when she drinks coffee.

Elizabeth is the author of Percolate - Let Your Best Self Filter Through (Hay House, 4/14/14)
ps- I am the Queen of Typoland.  If you see a typo, just let me know.  Our editor, Liz, is out school supply shopping.  Who in the world puts out school supplies in July? Talk about a kid shopping deterrent.  #kidsrefusingtogotothemall


Posted in Attitude and Inspiration, Best Ever Teens, Best Ever You Coaching, Family    Tagged with falmouth, Maine, junior league baseball, maine state championship, hay house, Elizabeth Hamilton-Guarino, how to express disappointment, coaching moments, moments matter, baseball, how to be a better player, how to be a better coach, fighting, youth sports, sportsmanship, Best Ever You, Be your best, conduct, gratitude, positive energy, Percolate, peace, behavior


9 Comments

Ed - July 24th, 2013 at 9:38 AM
Thanks for turning negatives into positives!
Elizabeth - September 1st, 2013 at 5:17 AM
Hi Ed, I think it is really important in our lives to try to do that as much as possible. Thank you for writing in!
looseink - July 24th, 2013 at 10:27 AM
I find that I get better at dealing with disappointments the more I experience them. That isn't to say I have them in my life all the time, but I have found that if I have the mind-set to accept whatever happens in a given situation I'm better prepared for when something doesn't work out quite as I had hoped. I'm in the publishing industry and there is a lot of rejection resulting from advertising and product sales in what I do, so there is a lot of opportunity for success and, well, less than success. I think whatever attitude you carry will dictate what your response will be.
Elizabeth - September 1st, 2013 at 5:18 AM
That's a great point to make. I think that is really true that with some experience perhaps we learn to deal a little bit better. Great comment.
Mike - July 24th, 2013 at 7:28 PM
Great article, I think every parent should read this especially if they have children playing sports. Nicely written, thanks Elizabeth.
Dale Fagre - July 26th, 2013 at 4:52 PM
That was great Elizabeth! And as a former high school and college pitcher who also had three sons who pitched I could really identify with your article. You hit the nail on the head with "practice gratitude with attitude"! Our children are watching how we adults handle all things in life!

Thank you and have a great weekend!

Dale
Elizabeth - September 1st, 2013 at 5:19 AM
Hi Dale! Amen.
denise black - July 26th, 2013 at 8:55 PM
keep being the best win or loss for its not about the winning or the loss its about the( love of the sport )that will lead you to greatness
deniseblack - July 27th, 2013 at 10:10 AM
it is not about winning or loosing it is about the love of the sport that will get you to greatness
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